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Secret Glastonbury: The mystery of the festival's surprise stars

Ian Youngs
Getty Images Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl on stage at Glastonbury 2023Getty Images
The Foo Fighters were revealed as the band listed on the line-up as The ChurnUps in 2023

After the full Glastonbury timetable was published this week, one band's name was on everybody's lips. Except no-one knows who they actually are.

Patchwork have a prime place on the festival's line-up - third from the top of the bill on the main Pyramid Stage on the Saturday night. The only thing is, there's no band called Patchwork.

It's a fake name for a mystery guest - just as an unknown band called The ChurnUps were on the Pyramid bill in 2023, and turned out to be the Foo Fighters.

Fans immediately went into overdrive to try to work out Patchwork's identity - part of the frenzied guessing game surrounding the festival's "surprise" sets.

Getty Images Danielle (L) and Este (R) of the US band Haim play the Pyramid Stage at the Glastonbury festival in 2022Getty Images
Haim last played Glastonbury in 2022

Who are Patchwork?

The main theories include:

  • Pulp - The Britpop heroes, who stepped in to headline in 1995 (and did a secret set in 2011), have just released their first album for 24 years and have a gaping hole in their tour schedule around Glastonbury. Plus, eagle-eared fans noticed that keyboardist Candida Doyle talked in a BBC Radio 2 interview this week about her patchwork hobby. Their spokesman has said it's not them. But is that a bluff?? Likelihood rating: 9/10 but because of the official denial, actually 3/10
  • Haim - The singing US sisters also have a new album and have a UK show in Margate on the Friday of Glastonbury weekend - so it would make sense. Plus fans have discovered that Patchwork is the name of an obscure 2011 German novel by author Sylvia Haim (no relation) and an obscure 2015 film about three young women. Conclusive?! 7/10
  • Mumford and Sons - The 2013 headliners are also on the comeback trail, but if they're Patchwork some might think it a bit underwhelming. 6/10
Getty Images Liam Gallagher kissing Robbie Williams on the cheek backstage at Glastonbury in 1995Getty Images
Liam Gallagher and Robbie Williams partied backstage at Glastonbury 1995
  • Oasis - It would be a bit overwhelming if the Gallagher brothers returned to Glastonbury to reunite a week before their first official gig. But they have categorically ruled it out. 0.5/10
  • Robbie Williams - He has a new album called Britpop with artwork using a photo him at Glastonbury in 1995. 5/10
  • Oasis and Robbie Williams - The name Patchwork could suggest a supergroup, so how about the real reunion we've all been waiting for, after they famously partied together in 95? 1/10 that Robbie plays and Liam rocks up to shake a tambourine for one song.

In conclusion: I don't know.

"Radiohead also are in the mix of rumours because they've been teasing some tour action," suggests music journalist and broadcaster Georgie Rogers, who was a judge for Glastonbury's emerging talent competition this year and is DJing at the festival.

"Or could Elton John be returning to do something with Brandi Carlile":[]}